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One Year From Now


Life with a preemie #6

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Life with a preemie brings extra stress. This week Jeremy and I had a difficult moment or two when we weren't communicating very well and had to have several conversations before we could come to an agreement on how we were to move forward. This is tough stuff to deal with when you already have a baby in the NICU listed as critical.

This is one of those times that I might be tempted to play the sympathy card and say woe as me, give me everything I want. But as we talked and came to understand each other better we both made compromises. It has been said that character is what you display in the hard times.

It's easier to make good choices and say the right things when life is easy bit when things are difficult is when the rubber meets the road. Hopefully I don't wear the rubber off the tires before this is all done!!



Life with a preemie #5

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So it finally dawned on me today that I have four children. Obviously a part of my brain knew that when Timothy was born I was now a mother of four, but somehow the other part of my brain didn't catch on until this morning. We currently have three children living at home and did you know they eat a lot? And seem to want to eat on a very regular basis? What's it going to be like with four?? And the laundry!! Already I'm seeing an increase in laundry and I don't even wash Timothy's clothes, not that he wears clothes yet. He's living in a tropical temperature paradise at the moment, so he hangs out in just his nappy all day and night. But now I can only imagine what it's going to be like with the laundry when he finally does come home. Yikes. We are now in large family territory now. Those of my friends with more than four kids are probably thinking "Yeah, you've got it easy!"



Life with a preemie #4

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I'm sitting on a barstool at the counter, eating my breakfast - Cream of Wheat. I remembered while in the hospital how much I LOVE Cream of Wheat. I ordered it almost every morning for breakfast and when I got home my mom bought me some from Fresh and Easy so now I make it in the microwave almost every morning. Yummy in my tummy!

This morning is significant for a couple reasons. First - the only noise I hear right now is the dishwasher running, Jeremy typing on a keyboard, and Chris Rice on the stereo. What's missing? Noises of children! The girls are spending the weekend with their uncle and auntie in Turlock. This is the first time they've spent the night anywhere other than at a grandparent's house and they wanted to pack their stuff on Monday, but I made them wait until Friday morning. My parents took Nathan overnight so we'd actually have some non-kid time. We painted the town red, getting gas at Costco and then decided to just eat dinner at Costco too, followed by a movie at Edwards, which wasn't quite what I was hoping for, but the company was good and the movie was free! :)

Second - this is the first day in the two weeks since Timothy was born that we have received a phone call from the hospital. My phone rang about 8am and Jeremy jumped up to get it. It was Dr. Rajani, one of the neonatologists. He was calling to let us know that they had re-intubated Timothy during the night. This wasn't a huge surprise to us because yesterday while I was at the hospital he was having some serious issues with apnea and apparently that continued through the day and into the night. Dr. Rajani wanted us to know before we arrived at the hospital so we weren't surprised when we saw him. Hopefully this is a temporary setback and with a bit more maturity he will no longer need the tube. Having spoken to the respiratory therapist at length I know that this isn't something that they do lightly and they will not use it for an extended period unless absolutely necessary.



Emily and Timothy meet

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Emily meets Timothy for the first time.


Life with a preemie #3

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Life with a preemie also has down days. Today I again had the privilege of holding Timothy skin-to-skin for an hour. I sang to him most of the time. Whatever happened to be on my iPod. Turns out he didn't respond to country music as well as I would have liked!

But while I was holding him he was really struggling to keep his stuff together. Many times his heart rate dropped way too low and his respiratory rate dropped and his oxygen saturation was too low. The nurse repeatedly had to come over and stimulate him in order to get him to recover. As I held him on my chest I willed him to breathe deep. Some song that Jeremy knows kept going through my head "breathe deep, breathe deep the breath of God." Many times I cried while I held him. Will it be the last time? Will God choose to take him to his eternal home before I can hold him again? I don't know the answers. And unfortunately I don't have a witty remark to lighten a dark moment either. My mother's heart is hurting.

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